Oh friend, how thankful I am that our friendship isn't based on the amount of time we hangout or our love for each other based upon how often we talk; because if either one of them were they would both be virtually non-existent. But what is so crazy about all this is I wonder how my maker must feel when my priorities are messed up and I don't spend time with him for days or weeks or even if I don't talks with him for days or even just a few hours. And yet... his love is unconditional and completely unchanging.
Man, Jesus, thanks for teaching me lessons like this through friendships like this one. What is scary to me though is how often I do this to you and don't realize it until much later if ever. How is that you still have expectations for me when I have disappointed you too many times to count? And how is it that you never give up on me? And you never will give up on me?

My prayer via Psalm 130

Father, out of the depths I am crying to you Lord; hear my voice God! Listen to my prayers and be attentive to what my heart is feeling and crying oh Lord. If you painted out all of my shortcomings and sin, I would fall; but instead you forgive me so much so that I fear You. Lord I wait for Your; I command my soul to wait. I find my hope in Your word as my soul waits for You. My heart and soul wait more than those that wait for the morning, oh so much more than they. Lord, my hope is going to be found in You; because with You there is mercy and with You there is an abundance of redemption. Lord, You will redeem me from all my short comings and sins.

Fullness

I don't want to just survive! Lord, I yearn to live in the fullness of Your presence. I want to live my life at Your feet.

In the fullness of Your presence there is joy,
With the fullness of Your joy comes peace.
And with the fullness of Your joy and Your peace;
Oh those are a powerful combination
Because with joy from God and peace from above;
Come souls, lives changed forever.

Ahhhh!!!! Sometimes I just want to scream; "Jesus, this is impossible. Why is life so ridiculously complicated?" I don't want to spend time in the secret place with you, I think it is because I'm scared of what might happen and maybe the potential you have given me for your Kingdom. I feel like the walls of my life are collapsing and I'm not exactly sure what to do with that. What does surrendering all of this stuff even mean?

Jesus answered, "You could have no power against Me unless is had been given to you from above. Therefore the one who delivered Me to you has the greater sin."
- John 19:11
"Do not be unbelieving, but believing."
- John 20:27b

We all want to believe and trust in something, but how do we know that whatever that something turns out to be isn't going to let us down? I have put my trust in man way too many times and every single time they have failed me. Some would say that I'm not choosing correctly but I know that I have failed people, so does that mean that I shouldn't be a friend to anyone?!? I have finally found the one that I can trust. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt and without fail that this one isn't going to fail me. He has loved me since I was in my mother's womb and his love has and never will change. So... That's it... I'M IN! All in not just a little bit but the kind of in when your friends throw you in a pool and your drenched, and at first you didn't think you wanted to go in but you went anyways and loved it... That's the kind of in I am.

Poetry...

"I am my beloved's and He is mine"
So many people say it,
But what does it even mean?
Beloved?
How do you become someone's beloved...
When they are not in front of you,
tangibly?
My deepest longing
"I am my beloved's and He is mine"
I long to understand that.
I know I belong to him
But...
Beloved...
That is my heart's one true desire;
To belong to my Beloved,
And my beloved to me.

August 25, 2009

Loving extravagantly
So hard for me, a mere human to do.
But You, Jesus, do it so well
You should have smite me long before now
But You didn't.
You have a purpose for my life;
A plan.
Jesus I want to be made perfect in Your eyes,
Not the eyes of people.

August 21, 2009

Worship with reckless abandon
But wait...
Isn't reckless bad?
Worshiping with reckless abandon brings freedom.
On your face before the King of Kings, Lord of Lords;
But most of all your Father.
He wants to embrace you,
love you.
But he is such a gentlemen
and isn't going to force
He just wants us to obedient
The bible says trust in me and I will direct your steps
So why can't we do that?

August 20, 2009

Repentance leads to righteousness
Or so this is what they say
Rebukes
Follow Jesus
But it hurts to be obedient
Is it really worth all this?
Vulnerability
Chains fall to the ground
Grace
Such an amazing gift
But what if
We are disobedient because we know there is grace?
Beauty
We were created in the image of the ultimate beautiful one
But is disobedience beauty?

July 29, 2009

Love so amazing, so divine
Beauty, such undeniable beauty
Grace, absolutely amazing grace
But also truth; glorious truth
A total and complete sacrifice
truly nothing can compare
He died so that we can live
live life abundantly.